His Wife: My Soul Mate
by John Thomas

DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

Hey there. I have a question regarding faith, most specifically on discerning God's will. There's a bit of back-story to this question, so I'll go through that first.

I'm a sophomore in college, and serve in high school Young Life (faith-based outreach built on relationships). Last year, there was a fellow Young Life leader of mine with whom I became very close, since we had school around the same times and were the only friends we had at our school.

The thing is, ever since that time, I have had this overbearing sense that I believe to be God telling me that He wants me to wait for her. She got married this past summer, and we haven't talked since, though I see her rarely at school.

So I guess my formal question would be, is it wrong to believe God is telling you to essentially wait for a divorce or some other tragedy-type situation? I have seen many signs since, and test each and every one against Scripture to see if they're from Satan, but all of them check out. And now, when I ask God to basically destroy that notion if it's not from Him, I don't feel anything, so I continue on.

REPLY

I don't know what scriptures you are testing these "signs" against, but they aren't the scriptures I'm reading.

Maybe you're too close to the situation to hear what you're saying, so let me put it into fresh perspective. You are telling me that the God who saidhates divorcenot to covet your neighbor's wife

What you think you've heard from God puts you in the bizarre position of cheering for what God hates and being dependent upon someone else's death or divorce, so that you can obtain what you believe is ultimately yours. Add children to that mixture, and the tragedy grows even more. I can't in my wildest imaginations believe that what you think you've heard is from God. You have God speaking out of both sides of His mouth, and He does not do that.

All cheering for you and her to get together was over when she made a lifelong-until-death-do-us-part covenant with someone else. Your obligation, and everyone's obligation now, is to cheer for them to have the most amazing, God-glorifying marriage possible.

The fact that God hasn't "destroyed that notion" does not at all mean it is of Him. Truth is not based on "notions"; rather, we judge our "notions" by the Truth. You've got a case of vertigo: Your emotions have you thinking that you are flying right-side up, but your instrument panel (Scripture) is telling you you're upside down. Trust the Scripture, make adjustments based on Truth, and soon your "feelings" will come into line with it.

Blessings,
JOHN THOMAS

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If you have a question you'd like John to consider for this column, please send it toeditor@boundless.org. Please note that all questions selected for "Boundless Answers" may be edited for clarity and privacy and become the property of Focus on the Family.

John has provided marriage and engagement counseling for over a decade. Whatever good advice he has is credit to Alfie, his wife of 12 years. Whatever bad advice is his alone. They live in Little Rock, Arkansas with their two children, Jake and Audrey. John is a regular contributor to Boundless.

Copyright 2008 John Thomas. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. The complete text of this article is available at http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001919.cfm