by J. Budziszewski
In June I printed a letter from a young woman criticizing my assumption that creepy guys are turned off by chaste and modest girls. She wrote,
I answered, "I hadn't thought of that. All you Christian virgins out there, what do you think? Do creepy guys hit on you because they think you'll be easier prey? And what do you use for creep repellant?"
So many answers poured in that we had to shut off the tap. One reader remarked,
Wouldn't it be lovely if Focus on the Family could bottle some creep repellant, call it Creepaway, and offer it at the website with a suggested donation $5.00 a bottle? Unfortunately, it doesn't quite work that way.
My freshman year at a CHRISTIAN college was a real eye-opener. All of a sudden girls of the sleazier description wanted to "be friends." Then they wanted to be more than friends. I felt like my stand on morals made me a target for women to see if they could make my hormones fry my conscience.
I found that I had to be more selective in the company I kept, avoiding girls who spent all their energy healing from their previous sexual relationships.
(1) Not that this will surprise anyone, but creepy guys hit on virgins because the payoff is greater. What Christian husband would deny that on his wedding night, he was psyched to be the first guy to have sex with his wife? I know I was.
(3) I've been a Christian for about two years, but before that I was caught up in the sexual debauchery of our age. Young innocent virgins appealed to me because of their "newness," but really I think it's a power issue. I told myself that they didn't know what sex is about, but I did.
(6) On a spiritual level, men are attracted to purity in a woman. I've heard it said they like to do their own thing in college but when they are ready to settle down, they appear at church. Those men may be reacting the only way they know how by hitting on you when they want a relationship with someone untarnished by the world. Jesus attracted sinners and tax collectors because they wanted to be cleansed.
(7) A lot of men are searching to fill that God-shaped void in their hearts through sex. Only the Savior can fill that empty place.
(8) What man DOESN'T want a virtuous and loyal girlfriend or wife? Though men may still check out sexually active women, deep down we all desire to marry someone who has NOT been sexually active, and our interest is piqued when we meet such a person.
And here is an assortment of your answers to the question, "What do you use for creep repellant?"
(1) Some women don't make any effort to let their friends know what kind of partner they ARE looking for. Reliable friends can be a real asset in keeping an eye out for "the one."
(2) If I don't place myself in situations where men like that feel free to hit on me, not only are they less likely to bother me but I find it easier to look them confidently in the eye and tell them what I think.
(3) I ask these guys to check with Jesus first. That gets rid of them.
(4) Confront them with their sin and direct them to the Savior.
(6) As I've learned to stop being a "pleaser" and to project the fact that I know who I am in Christ, the creepy guys have become less interested and the Christian guys have become more. THEY like girls who know God and who know their value in His eyes.
My favorite letter echoed many of these themes, but put them in broader perspective. Asked what attracts creepy guys, my correspondent writes,
And how does she keep these creepy guys away? Her answer:
Professor J. Budziszewski is the author of more than half a dozen books, including How to Stay Christian in College, Ask Me Anything, Ask Me Anything 2 and What We Can't Not Know: A Guide. He teaches government and philosophy at the University of Texas, Austin.
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0000328.cfm
